Comedy about Japan

by Kevin R Burns
(Kanagawa, Japan)

Comedy about Japan

Comedy about Japan, I planned on staying here for one year, but I am still here almost half my life later. Men, be careful of those Japanese women! Women, be careful of those Japanese men!

Comedy about Japan

I never imagined spending my life in a country where sometimes the seafood is so fresh it jumps on your plate, where the people drink an ethanol-like liquid you can run your car on called "sake," nor a country where "yes" sometimes means "no," and fashionable ladies can be seen sporting Mickey Mouse bags.

With no mouth, how does Hello Kitty scream?

These are the questions that plague me at night in my futon now. But this is part of the charm of Japan and it has grown on me.

I came to Japan at 26 years old with a plan to stay for one year. I never left.

As well as giving me many bumps on the head from the low doorways here, Japan has given me my wife, my three children, a great life and my home.

Who cares if my IQ is slightly lower from head bangs!

This really is true:

I get up in the morning and nature calls me. I walk to the bathroom and step into the toilet slippers that state:

"balls comfort" on them. If I feel the urge, I ah...mmmhm...wipe my butt with "Naive Lady," toilet paper.

I look down for some reason and see that my gonch (that`sunderwear for the non-Canadians) says:

"a Violent Lover," all over them.

Seriously I couldn`t make this up!

Is my wife trying to tell me something by buying gonch that states that in bold, blue letters?

Don`t answer that! Maybe that`s why we have never had a fourth kid!

I wash my hands and face and dry myself off with a towel that says: "Aquascutum."

That really disturbs me....

Then my Japanese wife serves breakfast and here is another Japanese-English shock as for breakfast we get to eat this:

Cold fish heads staring up from cold rise and miso soup whichis made from fermented soy beans (fermented is another way ofsaying almost rotten).

At least she doesn`t serve me Cowpiss Soda,

Sorry that was a typo, Calpiss Soda. Or God forbid!!!

I don`t want any Pocari Sweat to drink!!!!!


Give me my straitjacket now!!!!!!!!!!

Why I don`t go to Starbucks (English subtitles)

Comedy about Japan - This is what I feel:

All signs in English in Japan should be taken at face value and all foreigners will be permitted to follow the rules to the letter and not be punished.

Hotel signs such as:

"Please take advantage of the Chambre Maid." is a case in point.I will not reveal the name of the hotel, that is my little secret, I should be allowed one.

Signs at airports in Japan saying things like:

"Aliens report here,"

Should be changed to:

"Esteemed Guests from other Countries, this way please."

We don't want to confuse Sigourney Weaver when she comesto Japan.

From Comedy about Japan to Humor about Japan

From Comedy about Japan to Japan Living (home) Comedy about Japan - Legal stuff:

Boy is our lawyer strange! This is what he wanted us to write to copyright our material here and at the Yahoo groups, to cover our journalistic butts: The opinions expressed in Japan Living are not necessarily our own.

But they could be, you will never know, now will ya?

Na Na Na Na Na!

We're not gonna tell you which are ours!You gotta guess for yourself! Any advice or information found here shall be used at your own risk, even the really stupid advice.

"Boy some of it is stupid, don't ya think?"

"Yah you're right, why do we write that crap?"

"Because we are just amateurs I think. A Hemmingway or a George Carlin wouldn`t write like that.!""I agree with for one those guys are dead, aren`t they, they can`t write, anymore."

Japan Living will not be held responsible for any advice or information found at our website. So there!

*Be Careful the text in this message is closer to your face than it appears. Don`t bash your head on the monitor!

I hate it when I do that!

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