Japan in Springtime

by Kevin R Burns
(Kanagawa, Japan)

Japan in Springtime Means....

You know it is Spring in Japan when your eyes glaze over as you stare at yet another cherry blossom.

Miss Suzuki your gorgeous office lady colleague confesses in a drunken slur how handsome you are, "Mister Kevin."

Too bad your wife is sitting next to you at the time and there'll be no "hubba hubba" for weeks!

Japanese salarymen can be seen so fall-down drunk they break their reading grasses (sorry for that one, I've been here too long!).

Your Japanese friends proudly tell you: "I rike Japan because it have four season."

You remind them that Spring only lasts for two weeks now, and then becomes one long hot summer; interrupted briefly by a rude scene from Noah's ark called "Tsuyu," or the rainy season.

Japan in Springtime ..,ah the flowers...

They politely change the subject, "Which you like bettah Mr. Kevin, cherry brossom viewing or prum brossom viewing?"

It's always a tough decision for me and I am usually on the fence about it. Both "brossoms" have their good points, I tend to like my brossoms way up high, and if I have been imbibing shochu all day, it makes the answer all the more difficult.

Shochu and Sake are great! They`re an alcoholic beverage anda jet fuel! I know because I go like a jet all the next day!

Japan in Springtime - The Cherry Brossums

In the Spring, the approaching Cherry Blossom Front, takes precedence over all other breaking news, including which actress is having an affair with which loser from abroad.

Sales of orange hair dye go way down, as college grads start their new jobs. The prime minister worries that the economy will implode if more people don't colour their hair. The nationally minded senior citizens respond in droves, and there's a run on blue hair dye.

Japan in Springtime

The prime minister gives a thank you speech. Japan is saved!

Like the bosozoku, the cockroaches emerge from their holes, and they are faster now. They will have none of that slow winter blood in them, they speed up with the heat. Newbie foreigners' initial disgust at Japanese cockroaches, turns to "Friday the 13th" like horror when they realize, "Those buggers fly!"

In panic they run to their friend's houses screaming incoherently, "internet access now!" Once online they log onto the FBC homepage and order industrial strength Raid, hoping that will do in, these dreaded black bugs.

But roaches are the only ones who will survive a nuclear attack, and deep down we all know they will survive you too.

"The horror...the horror."

"I love the smell of Raid in the morning. It makes me think of ........ Japan!"

Japan in Springtime - Dress Code

With the springtime warmth the skirts of high school girls take a hike. They cannot go up stairs without covering their derrieres with their handbags. The few salarymen able to break the under 20 age curfew and enter Shibuya risk serious injury, as they crane their necks trying to look up the stairs.

Or should I say, stares? Broken bones and grasses are rampant. (There I go again, been here too long as I mentioned before).

Legal stuff eh:

Boy is our lawyer strange! Aren`t all lawyers?

This is what he wanted us to write to copyright our material here and at the Yahoo groups, to cover our journalistic butts:

The opinions expressed in Japan Living are not necessarily those of the the publisher. But they could be, you will never know, now will ya?

Na Na Na Na Na!

We're not gonna tell you which are ours!

You gotta guess for yourself!

Any advice or information found here shall be used at your own risk, even the really stupid advice.

"Boy some of it is stupid, don't ya think?"

"Yah you're right, why do we write that crap?"

"Because we are just amateurs I think. A Hemmingway or a George Carlin wouldn`t write like that.!"

"I agree with the Hemmingway, part, for one the guy is dead, isn`t he, he can`t write, nor drink anymore."

How to Teach English in Japan hereafter called, "the rag," will not be held responsible for any advice or information found at our website. So there!

In French: (I`m Canadian eh and have to cope with the bilingual language laws of Canuckland).

Je suis un Canuck plus tird. Mais j`aime le pizza grande et mon fils eh!


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